All I want to say is that you're my sattellite.
You don't have to lie, No more teary eyes.
Lost inside you, the vision never dies.
Just take my hand or float and never land.
Then I hear you say,
"Let's live for the moment this time"
Then you want to keep me forever alive,
Make up your mind.
This life...makes my head spin.
You make my head spin...
Welcome to the ups and downs...
The story of me and my life.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Walking under the rain...
I went home early yesterday, well who wouldn't if you had nothing to do for the day. I just had one class from 8:10-9:10 and that was just basically it. Yas and I went to New Bombay to eat and hell yeah! We ate a lot, and when i say a lot i mean we could hardly breathe. It seemed that everything i ate just won't go down and get digested. Anyhow we went to Glorietta 4 to watch a movie since we had nothing to do. There weren't anything good to watch except for "Chuck and Larry", so we ended up watching that. It was a funny movie and if I were to be asked who i was in the movie I'd probably say Chuck. Adam Sandler's the man! Plus i get to hold Jessica Biel's sexy body and make out with her :D Hey im not a pervert it just so happens that I appriciate her beautiful face and gorgeous body ...okay?? Defensive?? Wahaha! After the movie we decided to call it the day and go home. I walked Yas to her car and got my things. Having said our goodbyes, i walked back to the mall to go to the MRT station. Exiting SM i checked my phone and found out that I had 4 mised calls from Yas and a text message saying that i forgot to give her the parking ticket. So i hurriedly called her back and went running back. She said it was okay and she already paid for the fine. I kept on insisting I'd go back but she said its okay and that the ticket was refundable once she gets it back. Anyhow i knew she was pissed so i ended up with "guilt" written on my forehead. I then got on the following train that was heading north.
I finally got to GMA station and went done. As i was about to walk through the sidewalks it started raining cats and dogs. I didn't bring any umbrella that day nor a jacket to at least cover me. I had a cigg on and was using the tripod to somehow keep my yosi from getting wet. The freaking annoying about this was that some people are just plain insensitive. Just because they had their umbrellas with them, they'd walk so slow as if they were walking in the park. They didn't even bother to give way to those who were getting drenched by the storming rain. I was left with no choice and had to walk at a slow and sluggish pace. Since i was just really exaspirated with the fact that i was already soaked i let it be and walked under the rain. So emo na ba ito?
Unconsciously my mood started to get as gloomy as the weather and things just started popping inside my head. Issues and problems i guess that seem to be a permanent thing in my life. Well for one thing i just don't know where I am going after school. I just felt that I'm not good enough for anything, that I'd end up being a bum or that I would have a difficult time looking for a job or maybe that if ever i do get a job I'd probably not like what I'd be doing. I can even recall the times that i felt so crappy as i compare my works, grades, thoughts with other people. I don't know if I'm just a plain mediocre person or its just me over thinking these kind of things. Hmmm...somehow i just feel that this is just my usual insecure self talking that I just hope somehow and in someway get to overpower.
Half way until the intersection of East Avenue and EDSA, my thoughts started to shift from one topic to another. It was the issue about my two kids. Well the positive thing about it is that i get to see my son Inigo and that i get to talk to Ella about him with how he is doing. It just makes me happy to here him and imagine him that it wont be long that I'd get to actually see him and be with him. I just love my kid and i just can't explain how i feel towards my kid. But i guess Im just really thankful that he was given to me, plus the fact that he got all his good looks from me :D Sorry Ella...hehehe kidding! Anyhow what i guess balances things out from all these positive things is the issue with Prince. Hmmm I know I am being unfair with him that i somehow don't give importance to him compared with Inigo. I guess i actually am. But i just really find it hard to give to him what i am giving Inigo. I don't know exactly what but it just seems that i have all these negative emotions cramped up towards the issue. With his mother, people connected to him and whatever there else is that is turning me off and making me feel so far away from Prince. I know it's not his fault but i just can't pretend that everything is okay. I hope everything woud turn out to be okay soon. I'm Sorry...
Okay, I was about to cross the intersection and again my mind is like a car with a conventional transmition as it sifts to a higher gear. Thought popping out of me once again and now it relates to what me and my family are going going through. With all the financial instability to the problems that me and my brothers brought upon my mom. It's just sad that I could not do anything about all these, instead I at times add up to these negatives things. It also saddens me that my brothers and I aren't that close which i guess is one source of these issues. Sigh, i guess we still have not learned much that is why God keeps on finding ways to learn and be better people.
Almost home, as i walk up the street with all the buses of Jac Liner parked on one side of our street. Images then started to turn in as if the previous issues were cross dissolving in my head. It was you, like the river card as i wait for the last piece to go all in for my royal flush. I understand all your points and what we have agreed upon on. Yes it is true that both of us aren't ready but i would not hide the fact that I am hurting. The feeling of not being needed by you or the eagerness of you wanting to see or be with me has long passed and now i just feel like a dirt under your shoe that remains to be one of the least things you're concerned of. Well it is reality and i guess i could not change that. Going with the flow right, but i can help but hope and hold on. ...Today was a sunny day, but everything still feels so gloomy.
our love goes round and round 6:14 AM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
It is weird at times that you tend to feel that your life is more of an open book wherein almost everyone knows every bit of who you are. Well i guess somehow this is true for me but really, they have no idea.
I was so passive today and out of sync. Things just seem so dull and blunt, its just that i feel that a big part of me is missing and there are so many things running through my head.
It was an off day today.
-Nobody knows that I'm practically one of the most insecure people on earth... -Nobody knows that a lot of times I feel alone despite the fact that I seem happy... -Nobody knows that I feel stupid...that i am not good enough... -Nobody knows that I am physically ill... -Nobody knows that it was you I was thinking of the whole day... -Nobody knows that I have feelings for you that i have never felt for anyone before... -Nobody knows that I am hurting right now because of what's happening between us... -Nobody knows that I am dead serious about you even though I'm going all in w/ the first hand.
Nobody knows... Some don't care... Others won't believe... So would you be the one that knows everything about me?
But I am still here facing all my fears and withstanding everything fate throws at me. Here trying to shake things off and walking it off. Like a bulldozer charging head on. Like a tattoo waiting for you. A smile that i guess every time you make your presence felt appears on my face. Lastly, a throbbing heart at the end of the day that beats for you...
So i guess it was a happy day after all...I guess everything will be okay...I survived the day right? And tomorrow will be a whole new day...So happy happy!? :D
our love goes round and round 8:01 AM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Oblivion...or is it worth keeping in me?
Today was a fine day i guess, although i have encountered some ups and downs along the way. To start of my day i had to wake up early because my first class starts at 8:10 in the morning which means i have to get up at around 5:30-6:00 am. Well actually i think I'd continue to rant about this for the remainder of the term since this is my schedule every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Anyhow the upside about this is that i get to ride with Iza every Wednesday :D Yeah, sitting pretty alright! At least i get to either sleep during the ride to school while my dear friend would be the one driving or I get to have a fun time talking to her with all the issues in the world.
Upon getting to school things were just fine. My "Relsfor" turned out to be a replay of our first meeting last Monday which means going to school and attending his class was almost a waste of time. Almost because i had to submit my 1x1 picture so i could take advantage of the bonus points he'd give out for submitting on time and having printed all the required readings. After this was a very very long break...which adds up to the total number of unproductive and wasteful hours. Anyhow i took part of the video Kat's making during those free hours. We started dancing like crazed people in the middle of the Miguel 3rd floor. It was fun though but very tiring. The bad part of it was the weather started to get warmer and unlikely i was wearing long sleeves that was layered with a polo shirt. "Lintek na panahon yan uulan tapos iinit tapos uulan ulit!" So we then decided to hang out in one of the empty classrooms since they don't really turn off the air conditioning even during breaks.
Time continues to pass by and at last i had something productive to do or do i? Well we were asked to conduct a photo shoot for the student council of the different colleges in the campus and i must admit i was pretty excited at first. It was flattering aswell but when the shoot started it was crazy as hell. It took some time for everyone to be settled and the whole thing was very unorganized maybe because there were so many photographers taking the photos all at the same time and wanted the subjects to do so many different things. Anyhow it was also kind of frustrating that the photographers would not want to move back as they started shooting. "Di ba nila naisip na imbes na pagcompress nila ung mga tao sila nalnag umatras para hinde pangit ang framing?" Well atleast my and my friends were paient enough to withstand them all. As the shoot continued, it started raining so hard and yes i almost got drenched. So all the sweat and rain in my shits..."Di naman ako bumaho niyan?" Hahaha! So i was then assigned to take over the College of Computer Science for their photos. We ended up shooting in their building which i may say is very far from where we came form. Anyhow at least the shoot was almost over and after which made me realize that if eber i were to study in their college I'd probably lose my mind. "Di ko lang din siguro trip ung mga trip ng ComSci people" Hahaha!
Off we go to the our first meeting for our "Fotesay" class with Ms. Sibayan. Well despite the fact that she has a reputation of being a terror professor i still like her, most of the time actually. During the class she sort of made a fool out of me by telling me in front of the class that i do not know the real meaning of conceptual photography and that i was using words i dont really know. Well i guess she's right maybe i don't know what conceptual photography really means and I guess i better start reading up on the articles. To think i believe that photography is my passion hahaha! Well i ain't giving up on it, i guess I'm here to learn more and that's what I'm going to do. The brighter side of the day was i was one of those who interpreted on of the photo correctly and damn right im proud of it, "minsan lang makachamba ah!" hahaha!
After class we went straight to the photocopier and had the readings photocopied and yeah it was hell of a stressful thing to segregate almost 100 pages of reading material per person and to think there were 18 of us in class. After a grooling time with the readings we headed straight to Som's to eat! Yum! Som's! Hahaha! We had 2 orders of red curry chicken, an order of beef garlic pepper, green curry tofu, chicken ginger, and some Pad Thai noodles. Talk about "kaing baboy" So there, after eating we dropper Burton, Yas and Jason along the way and as for me, Iza and Fatzi we had some serious moments in the car. Yup, you heard me right "naging seryoso ako!" Wahaha! Well we tried to go over some issues and i guess it was pretty effective, one for you Fatzi! Hehe.
Mind you what kept me a float during all those dead hours, unproductive times and dumb founded moments, and practically the whole day was one person that means so much to me. Well of course all these people i have been with, my friends in other words are great. Love them to pieces hahaha! But there is this one person that kept me a float. Actually i really don't know why nor how to feel but all those dumb-founded moments stuck me the most during the whole day. I guess i just miss her a lot and yeah maybe i was right i have deeply fallen for her.
So should this be in oblivion or should i keep in mind and in my emotions, in my heart everything that has happened? Well a couple of things are for sure, I'm surely gonna keep all my friends. But what i certainly would do, is tattoo that special person in my life for she will be there permanently...
I guess everything is worth keeping...
I learn from the bad things and mistakes...
I become stronger with the people that surround me...
With you everything feels so surreal...You do know who you are right?
our love goes round and round 6:06 AM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
So I'm Back...
So I'm back...Right? It's been a while since i last blogged some parts of my life because maybe i got tired of being so emotional with myself. On the other hand a sudden urge of writing the everyday issues in my life has been itching through my sweaty palms and maybe because i have so many reasons to reflect and contemplate on or rather its just the temporary feeling of pure freedom i get with writing my emotions and perspective with everyday life. I guess its more of both and that when people get to read all these cramped up stories, they'd end up sympathizing you or rather they'd end up talking about the content written within the blog. I must admit its flattering at times that this happens, from the attention you get with the controversies that is being with held within its network to the compliments and positive feedbacks it produces from its so-called audience, that gives you this surreal feeling that everyone is talking about you or if not, what you have written. Yes at times it the attention you get form it. Well i don't mean to be so ego centric its just that somehow and in some way its fulfilling to write things that affect people in many different way. Anyhow I'll try to keep this blog updated as much as possible para mabalita ko naman sainyo ang mga chismis ng buhay! Wahahaha :D
our love goes round and round 7:44 AM
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Hay what a bad day it can be when u least expect it. Well for starters i was very late in class because i was cramming to finish my Fotocam project. Which very much depresses me because little did i know that i left two pictures behind because i was very much tense with all the things i have to do. Anyhow, upon arriving late i took my introfi class with everyone rushing to pass the papers and i having no partner just basically doodled over my exam. Well i was pretty much startled from all the tension and another is that people started to leave the room. haaaaay.....but wait my day doesn't end there. My girlfriend ahsn't even left and yet i badly miss her. Damn i have never felt like this in my hwole life...so many mixed emotions. I love you somuch ella....please do take care on your flight and remember that i love you so much. I don't want to let you go...oo na cheesy paki niyo ba! mahal ko eh! If only i could go with you....libre mo na kase ako ticket! hehehehehe lalalab kita! ingat parate ha! text me! call me! :D
our love goes round and round 7:29 AM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Now if you guys are going to take this immaturely then...im sorry then lets just leave this where it is now...Its up to you people. Hinde ko aalisin yang post na yan kase i don't see any sense in removing it, but tell you what i strike through the whole paragraph to meet half way with you. I've said enough. If you're gonna take it against me, your choice. You may find, what I wrote, very harsh and offending.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I just want a friend to know what I feel towards him and his attitude. I aint perfect, but so are you. Please dont be too judgemental and come up with lots of ideas or conclusions that will make this issue big. We already talked. We discussed everything. And I'm glad to say that we're okay. [I think. I hope]
our love goes round and round 5:37 PM
Friday, November 10, 2006
Chong after that conversation i hope everything between us would be okay from here on then. I still am not sure if you get my point for posting that entry but i still have myreasons for it. I also would just like to clear that i did not post that to bash you or siraan ka....to those reading my blog opinion ko lahat un so lets not take sides...rather lets resolve it. Chong never ako nagalit sayo...naiinis lang pero ngayon im putting everything aside. I just hope you do feel the same way. BIke Bike?! Oo matatanong niyo kung bat di ko pa din inaalis un entry....to be honest its a statement for each and everyone of us (nde lang para sa amin ni nico). I also would like to apologize bro....medyo harsh ako...at alam ko may mga mali din ako...that is why i created a blog for our barkada....
Actually tagboard siya.....we are free to post anything there....open up issues o comments...happ man o sad. I think we all need this....kase feeling ko madami tayong mga feelings na gusto ilabas sa isa't isa o kundiman feelings in general... [ To go to that blog pls do look at the links..."Tag Your It!"]
our love goes round and round 11:28 PM
Well for starters my freaking head hurts and my body can't seem to find a way to fight the virus that's making me sick. Its been almost a week that i am having colds and cough....damn it! This also caused me not to pay much attention in class because my head feels like its being pounded by a jack hammer. Besides the fact three of my friends are kind of pissed at me because i wasn't able to go to Gweilos last night because i was starting to get really sick, I was not able to sleep properly because i can't breathe properly. Anyway im sorry mehns....babawi talaga ako!
Its staturday morning and i am already anticipating the stressfull week ahead of me....:( I have to read on for our introfi test, finish of our filipi3 project, read on for inprint, shoot for our inbroad report, do the heavy load of Fotocam.....many more i guess that i am too damn drained to recall. Haaaayyyy buhay sana pasko na.....i need a break......
Last friday during our inbroad class we tackled over the issue of the game show "DEAL OR NO DEAL", whether it was going over borad with how they handled the show. Yeah, i was retty disgusted with how Kris Aquino intentionally expose a personal issue among the contestants. That was very unethical of her....and to think the woman had reasons for saying that. Another example of this was when the host asked the contestant's cousin to step out because the producer heard him say something about Kris where the host actually was the one who threw the first punch triggering the guy to answer back. And to think he just whispered it to himself. Masyado kasing pakialamero ang mga producer...lahat ng butas gusto gawing issue para bumenta ang show....wala talagang etiquette. I am very much disgusted by this....
Chong ionno if this is the right time or place for you to know this but i just want to let this one out and im hoping you wont take this against me. To be honest im pretty much pissed off at you....in a sense na parang dapat ikaw parate ang nasusunod. One example, noong gabing bago ka umalis lahat kami kinausap mo sa labas ng gate niyo...kung nde ka lang paalis na nun bro, honestly sinapak na kita....what's with the grabbing of the t-shirt? di ko alam ano point nun sa totoo lang pero medyo nakakainis yon on my part but at the same time i didnt know how to react. Pati ugali mong gusto mo sa mga trip ikaw parati nasusunod...for me that is kind of unfair. Ang mas nakakapiss off pa dun bro eh un wala ka na nga dito pakikialaman mo pa trip namin. Well actually sa mga trip may say naman lahat ng tao eh pero kun majority gusto yon sana quiet ka nalnag at wag kang magagalit, wag kang mababadtrip.... And the fact na nabadtrip ka dahil ginawa namin un nun nagpier 1 kami...sa totoo lang wala ka ng say don pare eh di ka naman kasama don. kung ipang jujustify mo sa akin na kayang kaya namin gawin un sa gf mo...tangina magkasiraan na ang pagkakaibigan natin. Di naman kami ganun kabastos na gagawin namin un. If ever man gagawin namin yon cympre may consent mo...what i think is much worse is that, naisip mo na kayang gawin un ng gf mo sayo. Bro...ni ako never ko naimagine na kayang gawin ng gf mo un na wala ka... bastusan na yon para sa akin eh. Isa pang example naaasar lang ako nun nalaman ko na naburat ka daw nun may nagkwekwentuhan tapos di ka makarelate. Di ata tama yon mehn unfair naman yon chong nde ka artista na sayo dapat lahat ng attention. Kung di ka makarelate then just be quiet and listen to the conversation para makarelate ka....be sensitive enough un lang naman. Ang isa ko pang kinaiinisan eh yon tipong pag ako yong mangugulit parang magagalit ka or pagsasabihan mo kami na nakakahiya or something pero pagikaw un maingay ayos lang....ionno if napansin mo pero ako yon ang napansin ko. There are so many other things i want to bring up but i dont think its necessary anymore since you guys could already see my point. I really dont know if you guys would agree with what i am saying but there. May feeling din ako paglumaki tong issue na to...you guys would end up in a situation kung saan pipili kayo sa amin dalawa....alam ko naman na siya pipiliin niyo...and i get that and im fine with that kun yon talaga ang gusto ninyo...ito ay feeling ko lang naman na pwede mangyari.... Anyway im not mad at ayaw ko din ng away....sana lang malaman mo to so maybe you could do something about it....i know i have my flaws as well that is why im trying to do mybest to become a better person...peace
Honey...sorry ha medyo limited lang talaga time natin tapos nagkasakit pa ko. babawi ako talaga syao pag lumuwag luwag na sched ko....just please do remember that i love you so much and thatr im am holding on forever (cheesy ;*) ingat ka parati ha? muah! love you
our love goes round and round 5:15 PM
Name: Jonathan A. Cuyegkeng
Birthday: May 3, 1986
Music: Emo, RnB, Alternative, Beach House, Feel Good Music!
Sports: Basketball, Table tennis, Badminton, Rowing
Hobbies: Photography, Writing, Reading (only when there's a good read), Tambay, Use the internet, Play NBA live