Walking under the rain...I went home early yesterday, well who wouldn't if you had nothing to do for the day. I just had one class from 8:10-9:10 and that was just basically it. Yas and I went to New Bombay to eat and hell yeah! We ate a lot, and when i say a lot i mean we could hardly breathe. It seemed that everything i ate just won't go down and get digested. Anyhow we went to Glorietta 4 to watch a movie since we had nothing to do. There weren't anything good to watch except for "Chuck and Larry", so we ended up watching that. It was a funny movie and if I were to be asked who i was in the movie I'd probably say Chuck. Adam Sandler's the man! Plus i get to hold Jessica Biel's sexy body and make out with her :D Hey im not a pervert it just so happens that I appriciate her beautiful face and gorgeous body ...okay?? Defensive?? Wahaha! After the movie we decided to call it the day and go home. I walked Yas to her car and got my things. Having said our goodbyes, i walked back to the mall to go to the MRT station. Exiting SM i checked my phone and found out that I had 4 mised calls from Yas and a text message saying that i forgot to give her the parking ticket. So i hurriedly called her back and went running back. She said it was okay and she already paid for the fine. I kept on insisting I'd go back but she said its okay and that the ticket was refundable once she gets it back. Anyhow i knew she was pissed so i ended up with "guilt" written on my forehead. I then got on the following train that was heading north.
I finally got to GMA station and went done. As i was about to walk through the sidewalks it started raining cats and dogs. I didn't bring any umbrella that day nor a jacket to at least cover me. I had a cigg on and was using the tripod to somehow keep my yosi from getting wet. The freaking annoying about this was that some people are just plain insensitive. Just because they had their umbrellas with them, they'd walk so slow as if they were walking in the park. They didn't even bother to give way to those who were getting drenched by the storming rain. I was left with no choice and had to walk at a slow and sluggish pace. Since i was just really exaspirated with the fact that i was already soaked i let it be and walked under the rain.
So emo na ba ito?
Unconsciously my mood started to get as gloomy as the weather and things just started popping inside my head. Issues and problems i guess that seem to be a permanent thing in my life. Well for one thing i just don't know where I am going after school. I just felt that I'm not good enough for anything, that I'd end up being a bum or that I would have a difficult time looking for a job or maybe that if ever i do get a job I'd probably not like what I'd be doing. I can even recall the times that i felt so crappy as i compare my works, grades, thoughts with other people. I don't know if I'm just a plain mediocre person or its just me over thinking these kind of things. Hmmm...somehow i just feel that this is just my usual insecure self talking that I just hope somehow and in someway get to overpower.
Half way until the intersection of East Avenue and EDSA, my thoughts started to shift from one topic to another. It was the issue about my two kids. Well the positive thing about it is that i get to see my son Inigo and that i get to talk to Ella about him with how he is doing. It just makes me happy to here him and imagine him that it wont be long that I'd get to actually see him and be with him. I just love my kid and i just can't explain how i feel towards my kid. But i guess Im just really thankful that he was given to me, plus the fact that he got all his good looks from me :D Sorry Ella...hehehe kidding! Anyhow what i guess balances things out from all these positive things is the issue with Prince. Hmmm I know I am being unfair with him that i somehow don't give importance to him compared with Inigo. I guess i actually am. But i just really find it hard to give to him what i am giving Inigo. I don't know exactly what but it just seems that i have all these negative emotions cramped up towards the issue. With his mother, people connected to him and whatever there else is that is turning me off and making me feel so far away from Prince. I know it's not his fault but i just can't pretend that everything is okay. I hope everything woud turn out to be okay soon. I'm Sorry...
Okay, I was about to cross the intersection and again my mind is like a car with a conventional transmition as it sifts to a higher gear. Thought popping out of me once again and now it relates to what me and my family are going going through. With all the financial instability to the problems that me and my brothers brought upon my mom. It's just sad that I could not do anything about all these, instead I at times add up to these negatives things. It also saddens me that my brothers and I aren't that close which i guess is one source of these issues. Sigh, i guess we still have not learned much that is why God keeps on finding ways to learn and be better people.
Almost home, as i walk up the street with all the buses of Jac Liner parked on one side of our street. Images then started to turn in as if the previous issues were cross dissolving in my head. It was you, like the river card as i wait for the last piece to go all in for my royal flush. I understand all your points and what we have agreed upon on. Yes it is true that both of us aren't ready but i would not hide the fact that I am hurting. The feeling of not being needed by you or the eagerness of you wanting to see or be with me has long passed and now i just feel like a dirt under your shoe that remains to be one of the least things you're concerned of. Well it is reality and i guess i could not change that. Going with the flow right, but i can help but hope and hold on.
...Today was a sunny day, but everything still feels so gloomy.
